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foxman Sep 08, 2018 (09:24 AM)  

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It could be habitual or it could be related to what we call it the spiritual malady. Spiritual Malady could be in the form of several things: boredom, fear, dis-contentedness, irritability, anxiety...If you can afford a treatment program preferably in-house facility, they can help you wean off your body from alcohol under supervision. And then you can see if you go back to alcohol once you get out. Habitual drinkers once they detox, they can then have a clear thinking and stay away or manage alcohol on their own. If you are an alcoholic, its better to stay stopped. It took a deep realization that I am an alcoholic that I have to seek a solution upon which I dont allow my mind to entertain the idea of a drink. The mind of the alcoholic is wired to think different. Its always looking for a easy way out. I know the mind will come up with strong resistance to visiting an AA meeting. But if you reach a point where you have ran out of all options please do consider going to a meeting. There are some good on-line forums too if you are not ready to visit a meeting. You could even get a person who can help you over emails/skype absolutely whichever media you are comfortable with. 

flowergail Sep 07, 2018 (09:45 AM)  

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Hi Gemma,
Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I TOTALLY understand how you feel. Maybe we can be of some help to each other... And Foxman, thanks for the input. I guess what I DON"T understand is I am ABLE to say no to alcohol all day. But the end of the day, work is over, I'm tired of thinking, it gets me. If I have the power to say no 9 hours a day, why do I not have that same power three hours in the evening? During the majority of the day, I AM thinking of the consequences and not drinking because of those. Why then at 5:00, do consequences suddenly not matter?
 
I just once again poured out the remainder of a bottle. It's part of my cycle. 3-4 days drinking at night, not sleeping well, tired of my head being cloudy. I pour what I have left out. Now there's none in the house. I'll not drink tonight. I'll feel GREAT tomorrow. Then after a day or two, the 3-4 day cycle will start over. I'm not sure the "number" of drinks I have in the evening. There is a stopping point where I just don't want anymore. Typically a half-bottle of wine, or 2-3 shots of stronger stuff maybe? It varies. 
 
 

foxman Sep 07, 2018 (06:41 AM)  

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The chapter i am talking about has 4 stories. All to illustrate how the mind of the problem drinker acts prior to taking that first drink. The mind convinces the person to take a drink, coming up various reason why he/she should drink and more importantly the consequences are not brought to the forefront. After we succumb to that desire, there is no stopping. The battle is lost already. Look back with your own history. Maybe once or twice you will be able to stop it. But as days, weeks progresses we will let the guard down and the mind comes back with excuse.

Gemma Sep 06, 2018 (02:49 PM)  

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Thanks Foxman, 

I notice that you're on here quite often. Thank you for your presence. I'm pretty depressed today and having a response helped. I don't want to admit I have a problem. I feel like my brain is telling me I can stop even though the evidence shows that I can't moderate long term. I'm just focusing on today. My goal today is not to drink. I'm going out for dinner with my husband tonight and will not drink. Thanks again. 

foxman Sep 06, 2018 (12:59 PM)  

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Gemma, if you get a chance grab the book called Alcoholics anonymous. You can go to AA.org and there is a online version of it.

Read the chapter more about alcoholism. Alcoholics cannot moderate the amount of liquor we consume. Neither can we keep away from it. Yet quite a few members of AA manage to go alcohol free rest of their lives. As long as they keep working the 12 steps of AA. Dont even have to go to a meeting. Just read the book to see if you can relate.

Gemma Sep 06, 2018 (11:32 AM)  

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Hi, 

I'm Gemma and fairly new to this. This post really resonated with me. How are you all doing today? I have tried several times before to quit or cut back on my drinking and have been mostly unsuccessful. I quit for a year at one point and then relapsed after someone intentionally gave me alcohol in my "virgin' drink. I don't blame them, I had just experienced a huge trauma and was probably on the verge of relapsing. I then convinced myself I could handle it - and did for a while. I then seemed to find every excuse in the books to drink and where I used to stop at 2 or 3 I now find I don't stop until 4-6. In March I learned some devastating news and my extended family is in the midst of a huge court battle. Since then when I do drink its usually 4 drinks. I wake up feeling depressed and defeated and usually hungover. I usually drink 3-4 days per week and consume 12-17 drinks per week. Its creating mental health issues, I've gained weight and occasionally black out. I know I should quit, but my short term goal is to cut down. Currently I am trying to stick to my goal of no more than 6 drinks per week, no more that 2 per occasion and no more than 3 times per week. Last night I didn't stick to that. 

flowergail Jul 23, 2018 (09:07 AM)  

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Yep, that's exactly me.  And it seems a never-ending cycle. Being hungover in the mornings is HORRIBLE. I hate how I feel. And I'll finally get fed up with that, pour out whatever I have, and do fine for 3-4 days. Then I tend to fool myself every time into thinking it won't happen again, I can control it. How stupid is that? But I have to say, I LOVE that feeling of the initial buzz, it's such a relief from the constant thinking in my head, and especially when I'm "worried" about something specific. If I make a list of pros and cons of drinking or not, the cons of drinking are sooooo much longer than the pros...

I saw the other day, you were 4 days without drinking. Have you been successful in continuing that? 

Pasco Jul 23, 2018 (05:23 AM)  

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I'm very similar, FlowerGail.  I wrote a song called "When darkness fall, my best friend calls" because I can go without it, am very productive and never been fired by a boss, never late to anything, fairly successful, but when it comes dusk I'll be drinking, except when I'm hungover, which means I drink every other day.  So we're similar in some way, I guess.  I'm really glad to have found this support group.  Thanks for opening up to us.

flowergail Jul 20, 2018 (09:29 AM)  

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Hi VioletStar,
I think I came here same reason as you. No way I'll do AA. I have a hard time even saying I'm "Alcoholic," as you've bravely done. But maybe I am. I have the power to say no to drinking during the daytime, no problem. Maybe we can work together on this....

VioletStarr Jul 15, 2018 (07:14 PM)  

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i have a similar pattern as you do...

Ashley-Health Educator Jun 15, 2018 (02:35 PM)  

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Hi Flowergail,


Thank you for writing out all your thoughts. It sounds like you use alcohol to cope with stress but it seems that it actually increases your stress in the long run. What do you think are other ways of coping with stress? What has worked for you in the past or what do you think you might want to try now? Finding alternative ways to cope with stress sounds like a big part of your quit or moderation plan. What do you think?


Ashley, Health Educator

The AHC Support Team

flowergail Jun 10, 2018 (01:55 PM)  

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Hi Ashley,
Thanks for responding. The first thing I know about myself is that I have a fairly addictive personality. Typically what makes me able to NOT drink for an evening or two is basically getting SO fed up with myself, feeling horrible for the "nth day in a row. And....feeling like I'm gaining weight is a big kicker. I'm 62 years old, struggled through an INTENSE eating disorder through my 20s-30s. All those thoughts are still there regarding my body, but somehow I've been able to not give in to the behaviors any more. That took a LONG time. 

I raised 5 kids, then got divorced and remarried, and added a step son. They are all 6 grown now, some with kids (my 6 grandkids), some no children yet. I tell people often that I never would have guessed being a parent to adult children would be MORE stressful than having 5 small children at my feet all those years. When they are going through some kind of pain, I go through it myself.  And it's not that they have any huge issues. All are really doing well in their lives. It's just the normal family stuff that pops up here and there; infertility struggles, relationship struggles, difficult health issues with one of my grandchildren, just the normal things of life. 

All that to say, I think the drinking is how I deal with all the STRESS. My husband and I both have successful small businesses, and work very hard. I have an aging widowed mother that lives half time with me, half with my sister. It's like that ALL swirls around in my head constantly, on top of what I know is an irrational fear of gaining weight. And at night, it's a relief to just turn off my brain for a while. And once that little buzz starts, I want to feed it.
 
I could make a pros and cons list regarding drinking. The PRO side to NOT drinking is MUCH longer than the pro side to drinking. Yet, at that moment in the day, when it's time to turn off, somehow all those pros have less effect on my decision. So, I kind of live in this vicious cycle. Drink and relax, stop thinking at night. Feel bad, angry at myself, in the mornings, excited about NOT doing it anymore to feel so much better. Evening comes, and it's all out the window.
 
Sorry, so long. But there you have it...
Thanks again.

Ashley-Health Educator Jun 08, 2018 (05:15 PM)  

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Hi Flowergail,


This is so very common for many people. Many people associate alcohol with the end of the work day and "good times". It sounds like you feel your alcohol use isn't totally out of your control but it does impact how you feel day to day and there may be some long term health concerns. The fact that some days you can control it is interesting. On the days you drink less or avoid drinking; how are you able to do it then? What makes you successful during those times?


Ashley, Health Educator

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foxman Jun 02, 2018 (11:20 AM)  

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Welcome to the forums flowergail. We in AA call it obsession of the mind. And losing control after we take that first drink-craving (that is physical). So obsession and Craving. I can totally relate to all you said. I switched from hard liquor to beer back in 1990s and after marriage was forced to Friday only beer. I would obsess for booze and wait for Friday evening. But later my daughter came along and my wifes attention shifted to the baby, I was again off to the races. Friday became +Saturday and the + Sunday and slowly slowly started drinking during the week days. Always restless irritable and discontented when not drinking. Later on coming into rooms of AA and reading the book alcoholics anonymous I came to the conclusion I was medicating my spiritual malady using booze. But because i am bodily impacted I cannot control the amount of alcohol I take once I consume a little. Moderation is out of the equation. Then I had to take the mind. The mind place a major role in the problem drinker. It always comes up with a reason to drink. Its the peculiar twist we go through each time we stop and restart. This is how I am going to handle it. Drink only low carb Micalob lite beer. Crap, then go back to the store to get some hinekens.. This experiment went on. I dont do that anymore. It all starts with a deep realization our mind is warped and the body cant handle booze no more and start changing the way of life. Thats where the program of AA came to my rescue. Because of that I have gone past 53. All my cousins and brother who drank all are no more. Hope you find some motivation and initiate your recovery. Good luck.

flowergail Jun 02, 2018 (10:06 AM)  

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Hello,
I'm new here and have browsed through others' posts to see if anyone struggles like I do. I have problems with alcohol, but ONLY in the evenings when I just want to basically stop thinking I guess. I don't have issues with DUIs, losing a job, anything drastic at all. I can say no to it all day long. But the minute the day is over and it's time to wind down, I crave it like crazy. I don't drink enough to pass out, black out or anything like that, but it is enough that I definitely feel  horrible physically the next morning, don't really sleep soundly, etc. I know FOR SURE that I drink TOO much. I can't just drink one drink. Once that "buzz" starts, I want it to continue. When I'm able NOT to drink at night, I get a restful night's sleep, my brain is engaged first thing in the morning, and I feel great. Yet, that doesn't seem to be enough motivation to stop me at 5:00 in the evening. Then I'm caught in this awful cycle of hating myself in the mornings.  Anyone else dealing with this?

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