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foxman Jul 31, 2018 (06:53 AM)  

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Welcome to the forums. Yes, for me alcohol stopped working. Thats a good state for us to come to realization. You may want to visit one of the AA/CA meetings and see if you can relate to people there. The 12 step programs helps us have a different outlook upon life, to be in solution, to be of use to society. Without alcohol, I did get restless, irritable and discontented. But recognizing what causes us to be in that state, which is a dangerous position to be in, because we are shut off from conscious thinking, then we do crazy stuff. Then we are deep in that vicious cycle of alcoholism and drug addiction.

Kphd Jul 30, 2018 (11:57 PM)  

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Joined: Jul 30, 2018

I must admit I am terrified about the future. I have always used alcohol as an identity trait for myself, and I know this is going to be a rough experience. For years I have drank in excess but never saw it as a problem. In the last year, however, I had started being prone to mood swings and did nothing to control my consumption (which makes them much worse.) 

I have a very full plate with 2 jobs, 2 kids, amd a full school load. I began drinking more due to the stress, which made me start neglecting my work, which made more stress and depression. Just a never ending spiral. 

My fiancee was patient with my problem for 2 years. However, my mood swings started to get much worse. I controlled myself with the kids, but sometimes would get uncontrollably angry after they went to bed. 

I would say completely ridiculous and rude things to a wonderful woman. I even realized what I was doing but could not stop myself. Now, 2 months from the wedding and she left me. It has taken me losing everything to realize that I am NOT okay and HAVE to do something about my problem. My health had started to decline, my mind feels fried, and I hurt my only friend in the world by saying awful things.

I am hopeful that she comes back, but there is no way I can continue living life this way. Im worried that if we work things out, I will not change though.

Ive watch almost everyone in my family unsuccessfully deal with addiction. So, I am scared. I never wanted to be this person and all I want to do is tell the people I love that I am sorry.

I apologize for the long windedness. My mind is everywhere right now.

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