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Dave848 Aug 01, 2019 (10:29 AM)  

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Day 4! That is truly excellent 4me (hey! day4 4me! Awesome!) . Well done! It is going to continue to get better and better. Please stick with it and give yourself the opportunity to live. Focus on the positives, like pilates (awesome workout!). I find listening to podcasts is a big help. Yes, there are plenty of podcasts to about quitting and non-drinking. Definitely listen to them as we can all relate. There is a podcast you may find very helpful though, I always get something out her podcasts...Look up Tara Brach. Her podcasts are calming, insightful, and infused with positive energy and forgiveness. You'll enjoy them. If you come across any please share them too!


Peace

D

4me Aug 01, 2019 (03:05 AM)  

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"My challenge is when I drink socially like that, even if I keep it to one beer, it eventually escalates. Maybe not that night or maybe it will be that night. The problem is that I gave myself permission to drink again...at some point. Usually sooner than later. Then the amount increases and it progresses until I get back into full swing."

This is just so spot on and what I really needed to here!

Thanks again to everyone for their support!

Day 4. Let's do this!

Dave848 Jul 30, 2019 (01:56 PM)  

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Hi 4me,

I've spent a lot of time in the UK so I can appreciate the challenge you face socially when you're trying to quit. Drinking is ingrained in the culture. Socializing when quitting is a tough go for sure, however the world won't come to an end if you take the night off. My challenge is when I drink socially like that, even if I keep it to one beer, it eventually escalates. Maybe not that night or maybe it will be that night. The problem is that I gave myself permission to drink again...at some point. Usually sooner than later. Then the amount increases and it progresses until I get back into full swing. I'm surrounded by people that drink a lot. That's their choice though and I respect their boundaries as they should respect mine. If they don't that's their problem. The people that really matter don't really drink anyway and support me if I don't drink. Drinking is a coping mechanism. While it's obvious why we drink to cope with stress I often wonder why I would drink to cope with elation and success. That sounds strange doesn't it? Coping with success? Essentially that's the case though because I (and those around me) want to "celebrate" success with drinking too much. Still trying to figure that one out.

If I had a pound every time I said just one......well, I'd have quite an account built up! If I was honest about it I'd ask for the one I'm likely going to drink...it's a pint that stands about 40ft tall and 15ft wide. I think about that when I feel like a pint and the reality of it says "No thanks, I'm good". So next time you say "just one" be honest about the size of the pint glass you're going to consume ;)

You can do this 4me. It takes time and you're on the right track. Stay strong! You can do this.

D


foxman Jul 29, 2019 (06:49 AM)  

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4me,
  You are welcome. The book Alcoholics Anonymous book even though it was written in 1939, its still effective. The human mind still works the same, especially around alcohol. I would suggest read the stories in the chapter "More about alcoholism" where they go in depth on how the alcoholic mind operates. The car salesman story is a person who loses the business and works as a salesman for the same dealership. Lot of resentments. And the way the story goes, he goes into town for a prospect and he stops at a country restaurant because he was hungry. "Still no thought of a drink". They put this word "Suddenly" after 2 sandwiches and milk. "If only he would mix whisky with milk, it wont hurt on a full stomach"....
 
Even at times when we deliberately drink during to resentment or other emotions, there is very little thought of what the consequences might be.
 
This is because we drink for the "effect produced by alcohol". Even though we know its injurious, those thoughts are set aside for the sense of ease and comfort that comes from drinking a drink or two. 
 
Then we can't stop.
 
So we experience this strange blind spot before we pick up and then this experience where we lose control after we drink. Its two-fold powerlessness.

4me Jul 28, 2019 (02:01 PM)  

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Dave848,


Only just checking back on here after a little while off and just saw your reply.

I’ve pretty much gone straight back into old bad habits so seeing this came as a god send particularly the article about socialising sober. I honestly think this is the only thing holding me back from being completely sober. If I had a pound for every time I said “just one”.

Foxman,
Your comment about consequences resonates so strongly with me. Just last night my drunk mind easily convinced my sober mind that today would be totally fine despite all the evidence pointing to the fact that this has never been the case! 

Thank you both again for taking the time to reply!

foxman Jul 09, 2019 (06:26 PM)  

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am contemplating attending a AA meeting but absolutely terrified!!

Please do, there is nothing to be terrified. Its the mind/ego that brings up all the fear. People at the meeting will be glad to share their experience. The book definitely opened up my understanding of the state of mind and body of certain segment of the population. The subtle insanity that precedes the first drink. Many think powerlessness is about losing control after we take that first drink. But the problem drinker even though, knows the consequences, still focuses on the effect produced by alcohol. The consequences doesn't crowd the mind. Comes up with various reasons or doesnt think at all when picking up the first drink. 

Dave848 Jul 09, 2019 (12:42 PM)  

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Hi again 4me,


As I logged onto the site I mentioned I happened to look at the Sober Toolbox and came across this.....

https://livingsober.org.nz/socialising-sober/

What are the odds eh? ;)

Hope it helps.

D

Dave848 Jul 09, 2019 (12:37 PM)  

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Hi 4me,


I haven't posted on here in a long time however do log on to check the forum. I can relate to everything you're saying. When you make the decision to stop it's scary because you're saying "Good bye" to what we perceive as a trusted friend. No one likes to "split up" with friends, even if they are our own worst enemy. When I stopped I found it very disconcerting anticipating social situations. Quitting is your own business though and none of theirs. Ease yourself into it. When I quit I would just say "No thanks, I'm taking a break. I need to focus on other things and need a clear head." And you no what? No one really cared. Some said "Good for you. I wish I could." That set off some alarm bells because I realized they were in the same boat however hadn't reached the recognition stage yet. Practice ahead of time in your mind and try not to imagine the worst but imagine a positive outcome instead. As you practice it gets easier. 

Find the solutions that work for you. It's a complicated issue for sure and multiple resources like this forum or AA or SMART all have their place and if they speak to you then take advantage of them. Let's face it, we didn't get here over night. It takes time so be patient. Another great site/ forum is :

  https://livingsober.org.nz

It's a free site with a lot of great resources and a great support community. This site really helped me when I got started. 

Another to check out is: https://thisnakedmind.com/about/

Check it out. Hope this helps and keep posting! The most important thing to always remember is you're not alone.

All the best,

D

4me Jul 09, 2019 (09:09 AM)  

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Lynn123, I am terrified to admit it, but I think you are absolutely right! I just don't know what I should say or do in social situations... Although come to think of it, the social situations I find myself in aren't with the most supportive group of people. Everyone loves drunk me but the next day I'm just "being too sensitive". I guess those are just "fair weathered" friends.


Thank you so much for responding in my hour of need.

Foxman, definitely will give this a read and am contemplating attending a AA meeting but absolutely terrified!!

foxman Jul 09, 2019 (08:52 AM)  

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What the hell is wrong with me??
 
Some people are bodily and mentally wired different than others. I suggest, you read the chapter "More about alcoholism".
 

https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf


The chapter talks about 3 kinds of drinkers at a broad level. See if you can relate.

Lynn123 Jul 08, 2019 (05:57 PM)  

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4me,


You didn't bury your head and the sand, you came here.  Have you considered abstinence or are you trying to moderate?  I know the whole idea of giving up something that you depend on is horrifying, my first thoughts of abstinence were terrible.  But then it actually became easier knowing that I wouldn't be going back.  If I was around alcohol there wouldn't have to be a limit I would put on myself because I just wouldn't be having any.  As time went by saying no became easier and easier.  Now, almost 4 years alcohol free, there is not one day that goes by regretting that decision.  

 Just something to think about.  How have you been today? 

4me Jul 08, 2019 (04:28 AM)  

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This weekend I really f@£$ed up. Like really f@£$ed... What started as a few drinks at 2:00pm at a friends birthday BBQ ended up in a massive alcohol/coke binge till 6:00am in the morning and I didn't end up sleeping until the following night. What the hell is wrong with me?? I had been doing so well - one entire month and I felt AMAZING!! Obviously not as amazing as I feel when I'm drunk/high. Feeling completely deflated/lost/confused as to why I keep doing this to myself. Why can't I remember the horrible next day feeling?? How can I be so disillusioned to think that it will be ok this time around?? I just want to bury my head in the sand and not deal with it!!

4me Jul 01, 2019 (09:11 AM)  

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Hi LeslieLily,


Well done on taking the first step! I can honestly say that this safe space has contributed to me be sober for a whole month. I did drink this weekend on a girls trip in Vienna but I made sure I drank two glasses of water for every glass of alcohol and woke up feeling good. I've decided not to beat myself up about it because I consciously made the decision. However I am under no illusion that this could set me back. The longest I had ever gone before was one day so this is a massive achievement for me.

It definitely sounds like we have a very similar story and I'd love to chat more in private although I have no idea how to send private messages. Can anyone help with that?

I have found the diary very useful. I love looking at my progress on the graph and seeing zeros!



LeslieLily Jun 30, 2019 (10:20 PM)  

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Hi! I just joined today and was reading through some of the other introductions. Your story sounds so similar to mine - I'm 35 and mom of two kids - 5 and 4 years old. I can drink a whole bottle of wine by myself and hide the fact that I am drunk (or sometimes don't even feel that drunk, frighteningly) and I always say I'll just have a little and a little becomes more and more until there is no alcohol in the house. Even my husband doesn't realize how much I am drinking. 


I am also into fitness and I love to do stuff with my kids, but too often a hang over is keeping me from enjoying life. I know just telling myself "today I'll stop for good" isn't helping - I need people to be accountable to that are also struggling to abstain from alcohol. 

I hope we can both achieve our goal!!

4me Jun 04, 2019 (08:23 AM)  

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It is always accessible where I am. I have a wine store and service station 100m in one direction and a supermarket the same distance in the other direction. If my husband is out or late from work we can even get wine delivered to our door most hours of the evening. I do remember reading an interesting article regarding what you wrote about the brain and body needing more once you start and have been trying to find it to share. 


Thank you for reaching out!

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