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Lynn123 Nov 26, 2019 (08:19 PM)  

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Yargsy,


I tried to wait until 5 to start my drinking too.  It made me feel like I had some control to wait.  When I tried to stop I realized that alcohol had all the control.  And you are right, it is all about making it from one moment to the next.  You'll gain confidence as those moments build.  

Lynn

Yargsy Nov 25, 2019 (10:13 PM)  

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Lynn123 thanks, that is a great suggestion. I am sitting here, sadly, after a few drinks, planning my hopefully non drinking day tomorrow andI am realizing that it is not just one day at a time, but one moment at a time. I know I am ok until 5ish, it is from then that I must have a strategy. That is my goal for tomorrow. 

I truly appreciate you taking time to respond, it gives me hope.

Lynn123 Nov 25, 2019 (04:25 PM)  

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Yargsy,


Getting through a night of not drinking is hard when it's basically all you know.  Have you tried breaking up the night into segments so the task doesn't seem so daunting?  For example, if you normally start drinking at 5:00, make sure you are doing something from say, 5-6.  Then have something else planned for 6-7, and so on.  Telling yourself that you will find something to do for a night is really tough when it is something so different from what you have been doing.  Maybe this approach will work for you, it did for me.  

Lynn

Yargsy Nov 25, 2019 (03:02 PM)  

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Thank you so much hors controle, Lynn 123 and foxman, I sincerely appreciate the input.  I just got through a 'banner' weekend of fun drinking, but alas I feel like ****.  I am so very tempted to have a couple tonight, but deep down I don't want to.  

Why can't nights be as easy as days?  I suppose that is because I never got into the habit of daytime drinking. I just need to replace my nighttime habit with something better.
Having this site helps, I think.

foxman Nov 23, 2019 (07:43 AM)  

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Additionally, like many, the drinks help mask the boredom and the general malaise.
I suppose I need a motivator to quit, or at the very least, significantly cut down
 
Yes, I was bored and that was the key word i used to go to a store after 4 days of abstinence. I will big my wife that I will have one before the weekend. Thats it. That would set the ball rolling. Restlessness and irritability will also read me back into this vicious cycle. When I read the book Alcoholics Anonymous I realized I belong to a small category of people who get miserable when not drinking and the mind will trick them into picking up and then the allergy of the body will keep them drink. I looked back at my drinking history. Though there were several periods of dry time, the mind always got me back to drinking and then the drinking period would last for anywhere between 3 days to months. That realization plus working on myself and the meetings keep me sober. You may want to read the chapter more about alcoholism in that book. There is a free version available at aa.org.

Lynn123 Nov 22, 2019 (08:57 PM)  

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Yargsy,


I don’t mind at all that you ask how giving up alcohol changed my life.  First of all, I agree with everything hors controle mentioned in her post concerning her changes while not drinking. I have many reasons but my most important change was freedom. I am now able to do what I want, when I want.  When I was drinking I would come home from work and most often spend the evening as a prisoner in my own home. This is what I looked forward to all day, to be with my “friend.” So much wasted time because what did I actually accomplish?  Usually nothing. No one really knew how much I drank because I didn’t let them see it, so if I went out with friends I would control my drinking until I got home. And I say if I went out because I would often not go because that would delay me consuming all the alcohol that I wanted for the night.  Which was a lot. :/


You mentioned that you sometimes drink because of boredom and malaise.  I remember that thought. Now that I don’t drink I realize that just because you have a “buzz” doesn’t mean you aren’t bored.  Your just bored with a buzz. I have bored nights now, and that’s ok. A night sober and bored is better than any night drinking because of what I mentioned above, freedom.  If I’m bored now it’s by choice, it’s what I choose to do and not what I was forced to do by confining myself to my home with my alcohol.  


We all understand that not drinking is better for our health, but it is not until you are without alcohol for a period of time that you begin to understand the impact it makes on your body.  Most everyone says they slept better when there is no alcohol and that’s usually true. It’s like the saying goes, there’s a difference between going to sleep and passing out and in waking up and coming to.  When your body is no longer trying to rid itself of the alcohol that was consumed, you will find your energy level is much higher. From there the possibilities are endless with what you do to fill your time.  


Initially it may not be easy to find things to fill your time.  You will be changing and change can be hard. I think a lot of people that have given up alcoho

hors controle Nov 22, 2019 (01:11 PM)  

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Welcome Yargsy,

Same pattern. Started drinking late teen and still drinking at 60, also have a high tolerance which I hoped I did not. They say that people with high tolerance are more keen to become alcoolic.

I do not know if you read my previous post. I stopped drinking one week short of two months and I felt so much better. I am back into it and feeling like ***. I look at myself in the mirror in the morning and I can see an old woman while when I quit, every body could see the difference and telling me I looked amazing ( compared to while I drank).  Even myself I can see the difference and I hate it. I also had more energy to do stuff around my place, doing fast walking, weight training, etc.

I stopped because my youngest stopped talking to me and it was very hard. My daughters have started going to Al-Anon and I think they understand now how hard it is to quit.

Like you, I am bored but also feeling more and more lonely after 14 years with my bottle instead of human being. I did mention this to my daughter two nights ago and yesterday morning I received a long email with link for activities for 50+ people. I told her I would go to the meeting for cross-country skiing since it is not just for 50+ and I did not want to be with old people, I still feel like 40's. She reminded me that I am 60 and they are getting closer to 40. 

I do understand we need a strong motivation to quit and only you can find it. It may take a while but you will.

Welcome again

If I want to get into activities and get outside the 4 walls, I have to quit. If I drink and drive, it could be jailtime since I was arrested once. If I drink, I will stay home alone, drinking, reading, watching TV, maybe go for a walk.

So I am planning on quitting again on Monday. I was supposed to on November 15th but had a drinking buddy over and could not do it. I have another drinking buddy over this weekend and after this, it has to be enough.

hors controle

Yargsy Nov 22, 2019 (10:56 AM)  

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Thank you Lynn.  You say you quit and it changed your life.  In what way did your life change, if you don't mind me asking?  Frankly, I don't know what to do with myself if I am not drinking at night.  Oh sure, I love to read, and I love to walk, but I can do those things while drinking if I want.

Additionally, like many, the drinks help mask the boredom and the general malaise.
I suppose I need a motivator to quit, or at the very least, significantly cut down.

Lynn123 Nov 21, 2019 (07:15 PM)  

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Yargsy,


Welcome back!  I completely understand what you are feeling.  We are about the same age and I used to consume way more alcohol than is considered normal.  I also thought I loved my drinks and looked forward to them.  I looked forward to them so much, that if I was trying to go a night without alcohol I became anxious and angry. Needless to say, I didn't go many days without alcohol. In no way did I want to quit, but I did and it changed my life.  I encourage you to continue to think about being alcohol free.  Have you thought about any short term goals?  Whatever you choose, it's a day to day journey, but we are here supporting you.

Lynn

Yargsy Nov 21, 2019 (03:35 PM)  

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Foxman - "High Octane Beers" are the only beers we Canadians drink.  I don't drink much beer, as liquor and wine are my go-tos, but when I do drink beers it had better not be a 'lite' beer or any American beers.  How pathetic is that.

foxman Nov 21, 2019 (11:45 AM)  

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I can relate. I quit hard liquor in 1990 and switched to beer and thought i was in control. But slowly it progressed back to the old way of drinking. When the good state of Georgia approved high octane beers I immediately switched to those high octane beers. For me I was drinking "Beer Only". Finally woke up 2006 and was led by my shrink to AA.

Yargsy Nov 20, 2019 (02:56 PM)  

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I have introduced myself before and here I am yet again.  It must be because I always seem to be on the start of this journey but never get passed the starting line.  ATP, your post resonated with me because I think I need to see my story in writing to really grasp the severity of my issue.

I am 56, have been drinking since I was 16.  At that age, it was just weekends, but now it is daily. To say it happened quickly would be a lie, it took years, but it was years of consistency.  I don't think that there has ever been a weekend that I have not drank since then, and now I can barely remember a day I have not had a drink.
My tolerence is high - Two cocktails (2.5 ounces each) and half to a full bottle of wine a night.  There, did it.  That's crazy for a woman.  How am I even healthy?  I get my annual bloodwork done and it comes back normal, but am I really healthy? 
About ten years ago, I had an unrelated ultrasound, which happened to pick up an enlarged liver.  One would think that that may have motivated me to cut down, and it did, for about a day.
I love my drinks, they make me happy, they are the only thing I truly look forward to.  How sad is that?  My life is good, by most people's standards, why then can I not find something to enjoy which doesn't include alcohol.
Like many, I don't want to quit, I just want to cut down , but am not sure that is an option.  I want to get ahead of my health before I am told it's too late and my only alternative is to quit drinking all together. 
It is inspiring to read other's struggles and successes and to know that I have a safe place here to be perfectly honest with myself.
Yargsy

hors controle Nov 17, 2019 (11:20 PM)  

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Welcome Mabel,

Admitting to ourself that we do not have control anymore is a big step. Drinking takes up so much of our time while at the same losing so much of it. The feeling of failure is hard  to accept but as many of the encouraging people on this site will tell you, it is not because you feel you have fail to control your drinking that you are a failure.

You mentioned you have great friends, family and support. Did you talk to them about your feelings? It helps sometimes. Especially to your partner. 


hors controle

Mabel787 Nov 16, 2019 (11:47 PM)  

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Hello everyone,


Brand new to this. Finally realizing that my drinking has become more than just a bad habit, but it is effecting everything in my life. Of course I realize that abstinence is the best way to go, but it scares the hell out of me. As a 32 year old woman with a great career/friends/family/ support group, I just feel as if I admit to not being able to control my drinking that I have failed in some way. 

I don't let drinking get in the way of my job - however, when I come home, all I do is drink and watch T.V which is causing my life with my partner to fall apart. 

I don't know where to start - but i have a feeling that admitting it and coming here and writing these words might be the first step.


Lynn123 Nov 05, 2019 (07:54 PM)  

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atp,


Welcome!  Trying to stop drinking does play with your mind, much like when you stopped smoking.  Drinking can encompasses so many aspects of our lives.  Often we are not even aware of all the ways drinking has entered our lives until we try to remove it.  Have you tried to moderate your drinking in the past?  You mentioned abstinence as something you may need to think about.  How does the thought of no alcohol make you feel?

I'm glad you found the site.  You will find a lot of support here.  Good luck!

Lynn 

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