Home / Setting Your Goals / Starting again

Reply to this Discussion     |    Subscribe to Thread Search Messages
1
Posted By Message Date Printer-friendly Version  send this discussion to a friend
foxman Jun 29, 2019 (11:39 AM)  

Posts: 1480
Joined: Oct 24, 2008
Personal Image
My Blog: Click to view
392858

The thought of total abstinence terrifies me; also, my father had drink issues and, despite being in AA, was never successful at stopping completely
 
Dont let the experience of your father deter you from trying AA. There is the 12 steps and then the fellowship. Many just rely on the fellowship. Dont really accept that they are alcoholics and it shows. They fail to stay stopped. They say step 1 is most important step, I believe so too. And alcoholism is just not losing control after a drink or two. Its inability to stay stopped. The mind, tricks us into picking up. Or sometimes we dont think at all. We simply take it, thats the in-sanity we talk about.
 
Write down the instances you wanted to stay stopped, note down the time between each attempt. Go back to the time when you took a drink again after a period of abstinence. What was the thought process just prior to each spree???  You can see what we mean by powerless over alcohol. And un-manageability is about being restless irritable and discontented, you can add anxiety, boredom and other maladies...

Lynn123 Jun 27, 2019 (08:33 PM)  

Posts: 154
Joined: May 09, 2014
My Blog: Click to view
Gender: Female
Country: United States
391860

Flora,


Hello and welcome.  There is no advice for me to give that was not covered in Ashley’s post.  I won’t say that I know how you feel because we are all different in our journeys.  I will say that I understand your fear of abstinence because I once had that same fear.  I too was looking to be able to control my drinking but after receiving similar advice from Ashley, I decided to try abstinence.  


That was almost 4 years ago and to my disbelief, I have been alcohol free since that time.  I wrote to Ashley in a thread on this site to thank her. You can find this thread by following this link:    http://sg.alcoholhelpcenter.net/support/viewmessages.aspx?forum=6&topic=5787&ForumName=Health%20Educator%E2%80%99s%20Corner&TopicTitle=Thanks%20Ashley!


I encourage you to keep an open mind to abstinence, you never know what may happen.  I know I never thought I would be this content without alcohol.


Good luck to you!

Lynn

Ashley-Health Educator Jun 27, 2019 (05:58 PM)  

Posts: 2423
Joined: Jan 21, 2009
Personal Image
My Inspiration Video: Click to view
My Blog: Click to view
Gender: Female
Occupation: Heath Educator
Hobbies: Reading, camping, pets, hiking and swimming
391859

Welcome Flora,


I am glad you have figured out how to post. It can be a bit tricky.

I am also glad you have decided to take control of your drinking. Many people on here are attempting moderation. Most people only have success with moderation after they have had a period of abstinence. During a period of abstinence you learn how to cope and live without alcohol for awhile. When you do decide to go back to moderate drinking, then you will have more skills to be successful. Your patterns will be disrupted and your tolerance will also go down. It is recommend to have at least three months of abstinence and then reassess. I know that may not be what you want to hear - but it is the most likely way to have success with moderation.

It also sounds like a big part of quitting will be practising more coping skills. Have you tried or considered counselling to address the past trauma and to become equipped with skills? I highly recommend. If you are not quite ready to see a counsellor, I encourage you to look into online resources. We have a great sister site you may find useful: evolutionhealth.care. On the site you will find two support groups and two programs based on cognitive behaviour therapy for depression and anxiety. I find the content in the site is great for everyone, even if you do not suffer with clinical depression or anxiety. 

Whatever you decide to do please keep us updated. We will help you through this every step of the way.

Take care,


Ashley, Health Educator

The AHC Support Team

Flora Jun 27, 2019 (11:28 AM)  

Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 20, 2018
Gender: Female
Country: Canada
Occupation: freelance journalist
391858

I'm afraid I'm really having a difficult time navigating this space--it took me forever just to figure out how to post. I'm not even sure I'm posting in the right place now. I am Flora, in Canada, and have struggled with my drinking for a very long time. I have had periods of controlled drinking--as long as two years--and I am hoping I can achieve that again, in part with the help of this forum. I have hurt myself and my family with my drinking. I have embarrassed myself. I worry about what it's done/is doing to my body. The thought of total abstinence terrifies me; also, my father had drink issues and, despite being in AA, was never successful at stopping completely. I don't know if I can make controlled drinking work in the long term, but I would like to try. I am sick of hangovers, terrible guilt, terrible shame. I have suffered from anxious depression since I was a child, and breakouts of anxiety are my biggest triggers. Also, I have always lacked the skill/ability to soothe myself--long story, but rooted partly in much verbal and physical childhood abuse--and alcohol has and does seem the only way I am able to comfort myself. But of course it makes the anxiety and everything else much worse. 

Ashley-Health Educator Feb 23, 2017 (01:41 PM)  

Posts: 2423
Joined: Jan 21, 2009
Personal Image
My Inspiration Video: Click to view
My Blog: Click to view
Gender: Female
Occupation: Heath Educator
Hobbies: Reading, camping, pets, hiking and swimming
101732

Welcome PerpetualOptimist,

First of all, good for you for 2 months alcohol free. Great work! How were you able to achieve that? What worked for you?

Having slips is very common in recovery. The key is to recognize that it was a slip and learn from it. What triggered you? How can you prevent those triggers in the future?


Ashley, Health Educator

The AHC Support Team

Julie Feb 18, 2017 (04:32 PM)  

Posts: 282
Joined: May 08, 2014
My Blog: Click to view
100734

I tried a few times to quit and moderate and it didn't work until I accepted that I actually had to give up alcohol permanently.  Then I decided to do whatever was necessary to maintain my sobriety.  There are many different paths to success.  For me I read everything I could get my hands on, watched documentaries, read blogs, joined "Tiredd of Thinking About Drinking" website 100 day challenge and committed to quit for 100 days and went on from there. I began to meditate, walk in nature, and lots of self care. As I began to face things without alcohol, I found that it was possible and success built confidence.  Eventually I got help from a therapist to begin toward some stuff through.  Best of luck as you begin your journey.

foxman Feb 17, 2017 (03:40 PM)  

Posts: 1480
Joined: Oct 24, 2008
Personal Image
My Blog: Click to view
100729

I learned that alcoholism is a progressive disease. After a long period of sobriety we start, we get the way we were but much more. I had to seek help and boy was that a great decision. Life is so different than before.

PerpetualOptimist Feb 17, 2017 (10:23 AM)  

Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 17, 2017
My Blog: Click to view
100728

I've known I have a drinking problem for a few years now. I guess I thought it would magically go away and I'd be able to control it without any help (and continuing to drink). Last year I started a new relationship and a few months in my drinking problem became apparent to my partner. I promised I would get help but was scared and didn't know what exactly that meant or how to go about it. I recently did 2 months of not drinking, doing it by myself, no counseling, no AA, just no drinking. On Wednesday I drank and I drank a lot and lied to my partner about it but got caught. I don't want to lose this person and I also don't want to lose myself either. I guess my goal is to try again and this time use some tools to help me. If anyone has an suggestions I would greatly appreciate them.

Printer-friendly Version  send this discussion to a friend
1